Been awhile...

So I was looking to see when I last posted and yep it's been awhile. I'm about as good at this as I am at keeping a journal. I should probably do this more often or journal to help keep my sanity in check. This might be a bit rambly but I have too much in my head right now and need to purge it.

I was watching a movie tonight called "Shall We Dance" the one with Richard Gere and it got me thinking. See for say the past oh three and a half years it's been all work and very little play. Even when I do play I'm usually called by work, that's what you get for being a little too dependable I guess. Here's the thing I'm only 29 which is really young!! But I found myself relating to Richard Gere's character in that longing for something to make me happier. Don't get me wrong I'm happy, most of the time. My job has taught me to be happy and not to take anything for granted. But lately, for whatever reason I have this feeling of wanting more. I'm not talking anything material, because uh, I can't afford it. Thank you student loans lol, but something that makes my life more than work.

Some might suggest exercising and I have. I have a friend kick my trash twice a week and I'm eating right (or better), but I'll be honest, I'm doing it because I need to. Part of me wants to but there is part of me that would love and be content with not ordering a salad and a turkey burger. I suck at exercising on my own mostly because I hate it. I love swimming for exercise but I'm a bit self conscious and don't honestly at this point want to get into the pool. I've had success believe you, me, I've lost weight and inches, but I am losing motivation. NOT GOOD!!! It's funny how it seems to be this time of year that you get thinking about these sort of things. I see at least weekly where people give up, have had enough and literally throw in the towel, so to speak. When it seems that there is nothing left to motivate, make happy or make content. So what, to do? Beats the snot out of me!

When I start to think about things I could do it makes me think of one thing I regret. That one thing that I regret most is that I stopped dancing. There is a huge part of me that longs to do it again, but I am held back by myself, well that and a studio I talked to once said you need to be on the fitter side to do so. Insert getting into shape here. I loved dancing and when I see ballets, musicals or movies with dancing I get that longing feeling. There is another part of me that is longing. That part seems to be in my face. Everywhere I look recently it seems everyone is dating, engaged or married. Now for those who know me I've never been the girl to long or pine for a guy. I'm the girl who is the guys good friend and the girl he talks to about girls. This is not always fun, because for once I'd like to be the girl the guy talks about (in a good way) to other friends that are girls. I'm a hopeless romantic (I honestly get this from my dad) and want to be swept off my feet, because I have never been. The last relationship I was in ended in the early summer of '00. I haven't been on a date (a real date) since. It's been full-time school and work. Here's my worry that I've focused so hard on school and work that I've missed the one. I know I'm not the only who thinks this 99% of those who aren't with someone do. It's just lately been on my mind and infront of my face a lot lately.

Back to my point about figuring out what is lacking in my life so it is not just all work and no play. I don't by any means need a guy to feel complete. Don't get me wrong to have someone who can comfort you and give a support that no one else can would help. I have a career (that still scares me to say), a nice place to live and food to eat (within moderation). So like Richard Gere's character I shouldn't be wanting more, but I do. I don't want to burn out by my mid thirties because that would be bad. Like I said this is rambling but it is getting my thoughts out so I can sleep. If you read to here thanks, and if you have advice I'll listen. Here is my advice for you this holiday season, hug your loved ones and tell them you love them at least twice a day. Be grateful for every moment you are blessed with. I hope everyone has a wonderful Christmas. I will try and post more regularly but I make no promises. For now goodnight!!